Dear mister President: It’s prevention first.

This is an introduction about the Dutch Association of Occupational Physicians, the NVAB. It’s a great introduction. You will love it. Just fantastic. And more important: you will need it. Yes you do. Very badly actually.

We are the best occupational physicians of the world. Simply the best. You cannot find any better occupational physicians in the whole wide world. The president of the Dutch Association recently said it loud and clear: wij hebben afscheid genomen van het laatste spoortje suf imago. So yes, we are absolutely fantastic. 

Secondly: we know everything about four things. Yes. Four things. That’s a lot. We know. So count your fingers. Not one, not two, not three, but four things. We know all about work, and safety conditions, health care and social security. Really everything. Unbelievable. Highly complicated stuff. Very complex too. Our body of knowledge is as big as your Trump Tower. Really big. Huge. All bling bling too. Our sick leave absence is the lowest in the world. Fantastic. We are simply the best.

Now let’s talk business. You want to make America great again. America first. We heard it loud and clear. You wanna be Captain America again. Absolutely fantastic. Marvel will rule the waves. Brilliant idea.

To make America great again you need strong, healthy, and productive workers. Workers with healthy bodies and healthy minds. Workers with big muscles and smart brains. Healthy bodies to build that Mexican Wall. Healthy bodies to rebuild the lousy American infrastructure. And very healthy bodies to do the dirty war stuff. Very dirty work. And: you need smart brains, very smart brains. To beat the Chinese, Russians, Europeans and Indian people in intelligence work.

You guested it right: you are in trouble now. Big trouble. Deep shit. We know. The American workers are no Captain America, no Rambo, no Ninja Turtle. They are simply too fat, and too slow. They drink only coca cola and beer. And eat only hamburgers, chicken nuggets, and  pizza’s while watching TV. Bad taste. Bad habbits. Total losers.

But:

We will help. And you gonna pay for it. In Holland we have an old expression: voorkomen is beter dan genezen. Prevention first. We developed a very effective rehab program called BRAVO. Fit for free. Total EBM. Excellent program. Fantastic.

Especially for you we designed a total new program:

Brand new. Some will say the Bonzo Dog Doodah Band from England made it. That’s a lie. Just watch their home video from 1968. Fake news. Total lie. Lariekoek.

The punch line of this Apollo program: a healthy body makes a healthy mind. Simple. Even you can understand it. In just ten days we will make the American worker big, strong and rough again. Like Rambo. Two separate gorilla’s in one. You can shave your legs now.

We noticed that you got serious problems with the press. Very serious problems. Total scumb. And with Robert de Niro

Total disaster. We will solve that too. Louis is already on his way to help you. Louis van Gaal, the best soccer coach ever. Nice guy. Brilliant bloke. He knows how to handle the press: ben ik nou zo slim is of ben jij zo dom!

You will love him [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c80kYpMZhcA]. Like we do. You can keep him. He’s for free.

Don’t call us. We call you

It’s prevention first.